Overcoming the hurdle of trigger questions when inquiring

Overcoming the hurdle of trigger questions when inquiring about animals for sale.
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A reluctance to answer a list of questions is something that you will likely experience during your time in the snake keeping hobby. That doesn't mean the person you're asking is hiding something though.

Yes, the truth is there are crappy sellers, but they're going to lie to you anyway so your questions will just be answered with whatever they think you want to hear. So when someone is reluctant to answer, that doesn't automatically mean they have something to hide. 

Now something people may not understand is this hobby requires trust both ways. There are some seriously crappy buyers too, which can traumatize sellers in a way where they don't want to answer long lists of questions because an honest attempt to help backfired in their face before.

So how do you innocently ask a potentially triggering question and not be met with the brick wall of being denied the opportunity to purchase that snake you really wanted? Well it helps to try to see it from the other side, and to approach with good will and respect. Most sellers are passionate people who will yack your ears off once they've established you're safe to talk with. You just got to get to there. 

So lets go over some of the common potentially triggering questions and some possibly better approaches. See if we cant help avoid that disappointing situation with sellers a little.

For perspective, here's an example of how an innocent question turns into a "trigger" for a seller :

Potentially triggering questions #1, questions about behavior:

​Imagine this scenario from a breeders perspective. You, a potential buyer, ask a breeder, How's their temperament? They assume you know that any animal that has a mouth can bite. It’s never bit them, so they answer “it’s good” being 100% honest about their experience. You buy it, but you run your cage much hotter, or with considerably less security, or simply the snake doesn’t know you yet, or you pinch when you pick up the animal and the breeder would scoop from underneath, whatever it may be. The snake doesn’t appreciate your different approach and communicates that with the only tools they have available, fleeing or using their teeth.

Now you are up on facebook throwing a fit because they “sold you a feisty snake after they told you it was nice!”. The breeder is hurt by the accusation of course.  and feels like you didn’t respect that this is a living creature that has autonomy over how it acts in different environments, so perhaps you viewed this animal they spent time and effort and emotions to raise as a toy you wanted to play with…. And now that breeder questions the motives of anyone who asks that question in the future. So they don’t want to answer it. 

A better approach to “How's their temperament?” is, “Do they tend to scare easily, and if so, do you have any advice to help with handling?” and, "are they prone to biting you, and if so under what circumstances?” This is a better question because 1)  it gives you actual information. What does the answer “its good” even mean? Does it mean it doesn't bite, or flee, both? Will it cuddle with me on the couch for hours? You don't know what they mean by its good. So what have you even gained by asking, “how's their temperament”?

More importantly, this approach comes off as “I understand this is a living creature and i’m willing to do the work to get to a more ideal relationship with this animal, so i’d like your help with that”. It's disarming to approach it that way. They know you respect the animal, and they know your motives. So now you're talking.

If you truly aren't willing to put in any of the work to establish an ideal handling situation, then this question either does apply to you and should not be asked- i.e. you’d don't intend to handle it so its a waste of both of your time-  or maybe you really are the type that just wants a toy, and this may not be the hobby for you. The point is, the breeder wants to know you understand what is your responsibility as a snake owner, and that you will treat the animal, and them, with due respect after the sale. 

So for questions about behavior, keep in mind that there are things the breeder can not promise you because they don't have any control over the circumstances after the sale. If you try to push them into a situation where a condition of the sale requires them to make guarantees on things they can not control, you may lose the opportunity to purchase the animal. 

Potentially triggering questions #2, those about health issues not currently relevant:

Were talking about questions like: 
• Any past health issues (RI, mites, etc.)?
• Has the breeder done fecals or testing (nidovirus, etc.)?

These can be anxiety producing for breeders simply because of how some buyers may use that information.

For example: Buyer asks if seller has ever had mites, seller answers 100% honestly that they had in the past, but that it was caught early and taken care of many months or more ago. This is true. Buyer purchases animal from seller, and then another one from someone else a week later. Seller #2 denies ever having mites, but turns out they lied about it and animal #2 was in fact recently infected. Both are inspected upon entry and placed in quarantine next to each other. Less than a month later buyer is battling a mite infestation actually caused by animal #2, but blames seller #1. Seller #1 is assumed to be the origin because they admitted to having mites before. Now buyer is throwing fits damaging seller #1's reputation, and you can bet seller #1 is never answering that question again.

So on to testing questions: Folks, do your own testing. Veterinary care for any animal is your responsibility once it enters your possession. There is nothing more damaging to a sellers business then an accusation they are knowingly selling virus infected animals. When you ask “have you tested it for nido (or whatever virus etc)” It can be interpreted as you saying, I'm not going to be responsible and test for myself, but I'm going to get you on record so I can potentially hold *you* accountable for it if something happens after I acquire this animal. That can be terrifying to an honest seller. 

Thing is, their previous test results don't mean anything once they are inside your collection. You can very well have an asymptomatic carrier in your collection right now and just in the process of using the same handling gloves or feeding tongs spread it to their animal and then it gets sick, and since their animal got sick, now you are finally testing your own animals and screaming online about how all these animals got sick *after* you bought this one from them, when in reality, you had an infected colony to start with but you didn't know that because they were asymptomatic, you simply weren't paying enough attention to notice, and were relying on people's word instead of testing. 

When you ask this question some will feel you are telling them you are aware enough of the problem to cause drama for them, but not responsible enough to do it yourself. You are forcing the seller into a no win situation. They can say yes, even prove it, and then you can still say the test was invalid because it wasn't done the day it shipped out. Or they can say no, and when you infect their snake they have no proof anyway. Thing is, if you are actually careful about keeping a closed colony, you would not be asking this question at all- because you would be getting them tested like the day they came in and would know that no matter what the answer that seller says it wouldn't matter, only that entry test does. If you truly wanted to get this test before they entered you could offer to pay for the test yourself so you'd have privy to the results, but you'd still have to trust the animal they swabbed is the one they are sending you, so the only way to know for sure is if you test yourself. 
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The potential for a customer to levy a false accusation of this nature against you is the worst nightmare of a lot of stand up breeders, so it's probably best not to open your inquiry with this one at all. This one requires rapport. Let them get a feel for you first if you feel this needs to be asked at all.

Potentially Triggering Questions #3, those about debatable topics, like racks:

• What kind of setup the animal is currently living in? 
• Do you keep in racks or tanks?

If the answer to this question isn't going to change how you intend to set it up after purchase, then you don't need to ask it. The truth is the majority of breeders are keeping in racks, and the majority of babyherpers are keeping in tanks. The babyherpers often have strong feelings about racks and the breeders are aware of it. They may think you're going to be judging them or what not. It may be a trigger point for them.

If you're asking because you want to mimic the set up to ease the transition, lead with that. It takes the focus of the debate, because you aren't likely judging what you intend to also do. So the subject returns back to the animal. Another way of phrasing it would be, “do you have any advice on how I can set up this animal?” or “Do you think the animal would be comfortable in this set up?, then volunteer your set up information. That way now you're having a conversation that can be viewed as you want to be responsible in how to take care of the animal, instead of an attempt to judge the character of the keeper you're trying to purchase from. It avoids any "prove to me you're a good keeper by my standards" trigger they may have got from previous encounters. If you don't trust they care enough about their animals to be selling them, you have no reason to be inquiring on them. 

Potentially triggering Questions #4, those about Lineage when no mention of lineage exists in the ad
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Here's some of these types of questions:

• Were the grandparents bred by you? If not, provide me with the names of who did.
• Any known locality or line info on the parents?
• How far removed are they from wild-caught bloodlines (F1, F2, etc.)?

Also things like:

• Have the parents produced before, and how did those offspring turn out? Send me pictures of them

• Do they produce kinked or sterile hatchlings?

If they are claiming locality and lineage sort of things in the advertisement, (locality and F1, F2 etc,) then they are likely expecting you to ask these sort of questions, so ask away. If they’ve already given the information in the ad, don't ask it again. That can come off like you expect special treatment, that you see it as if it's only worth reading if they spent their time repeating themself just for you.

If origin is not explicitly stated in the ad, you need to be very careful with your approach because to a good breeder, it can come across offensively very easily- and to a bad seller, they know what you want and you're now a quick buck. Here's what I mean: If these are the sort of things you are after, then you probably should save your search for those who are advertising those aspects. If someone has origin information like locality etc, it's very likely they will list it in the ad because those are selling points for some people. So if there's no mention of this selling point in the ad, then it would be wise of you to research the breeder if all the sudden the animal has everything you're looking for, but it went conveniently unmentioned until after you asked. They may very well just be telling you what you want to hear. 

Also by asking for lineage not mentioned in the ad some may perceive it as if you're suggesting the animal doesn't have value without lineage, which can be offensive. Or worse, you don't trust the breeder. Like you’re trying to catch them in a lie about the origins. 

This is an extremely dumb question... 

Asking a honest seller if they are selling unhealthy, sterile, or otherwise pet only animals without labeling them as such screams "I don't trust you". If you're not dealing with an honest seller, again, they're only going to tell you what you want to hear, so you've gained nothing. You either get an offended good seller or a lie.

So don't ask a seller in a round about way if they are trustworthy. It's very poor taste. You can ask them directly for reviews, do your research on them, or take your chances- but don't think you can trick people into telling you the "things they're hiding". If they are hiding it from you, they aren't going to tell you just because you asked. 
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Potentially triggering questions # 5: Excessive & Irrelevant questions.

Be aware there are some questions breeders may find excessive that hobbyists may not.  Examples: 

When was the last time it pooped? 
Last Shed? 
When you last changed its hide to a different one? 
Sized its enclosure up? 
Changed what type of bedding you use? 
It went outside of its enclosure?
...When did it last see a spider? (joking but these can get pretty silly)

Folks, the heavy, heavy, majority of breeders do not track this sort of stuff unless there is a breeding aspect to it or a potential health concern they are investigating. There are varying degrees of how important certain aspects of tracking are for people. People can still care very much about their animals, but very little about if you get to fill out your chart with when their last poop was. If you open an inquiry with that you expect breeders to give you the animal’s entire life history, you may find yourself having a hard time either because that information doesn't exist to be given to you, or because they view it as a lot of extra hoops to jump through and they would rather prioritize their time with potential customers that don't have quite so high of needs. 

Truth is a professional breeder is talking to many many people every day often across several platforms. Not always about sales either. The good ones will be helping their previous customers with advice etc too. It requires prioritization of your time, and for lack of a better term, triage to keep those with the most pressing needs at the top. So sometimes when you're asking a lot of irrelevant questions about an animal that is for sale, you may be placed lower in the triage to those who are asking questions that are viewed as more pressing or relevant, leading to those folks getting the animal in the time it takes to get back to you with all the answers to all the questions you've asked.

It's not that they don't want to answer your questions, it's that a wall of questions takes a lot longer to answer, and when you have 15 people waiting on answers to their short, relevant questions, you can get lost in the shuffle while they're trying to keep everyone happy.

A better approach is to save the less relevant types of questions until after the sale because it may change it's placement in the triage. For example, you don't need to know when the animal shed last if you don't own it, so the breeder doesn't have a reason to prioritize that question over others. Once you do own it, maybe you need that info for your breeding purposes so now it becomes relevant. 

Some breeders get overwhelmed and may become offended if you don't appear to be respectful of their time. So a better tactic would be to limit your opening inquiry to an expressed interest, and a few of the most pressing questions, and then ask more as you build rapport.
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Potentially triggering questions # 6: Pity Deals & Low balling.

A pity deal is when you present a story to the breeder of how unfortunate your financial situation is in order to get them to lower the price of the animal you're inquiring on, basically out of pity. While you may be entirely well meaning and your story may be true, it seldomly works. Why? For some it brings up questions about how responsible you are (which pulls at that can you be trusted trigger). For some it brings up real questions on if you are going to be capable of taking care of it. If your financial situation is so poor you cant afford the animal, the odds are you cant afford its veterinary care when it arises. Good breeders really do care about these things. Then 2) breeding snakes is a labor of love for many if not most of the honest breeders. They don't make a lot of money to be able to spare what they have, so it can come off as emotionally manipulative. 

Here's some examples of low balling:

• Asking for deals way below asking price,
• asking for deals on top of deals or other accommodations: like for discounts on top of a payment plan, deals on top of driving to meet them for pickup. etc 
• "reverse dealing": asking for a pair price to see how much they'd discount under the pretense of you buying a pair, then expecting them to honor that discount when purchasing the single animal. 
• "Buyer price setting" Attempting to convince a seller their asking price is completely unreasonable and that they need to lower it to something way less that conveniently you happen to be comfortable with. 
• Any other tactic that uses manipulation to acquire the animal at the expense of the seller.

Were not talking a respectful, "hey would you accept X shipped?" a lot of people will bend a bit to help it fit your budget a little better... but I do emphasize the "little" in a "little better". 

If you're not sure if it counts, imagine yourself asking a walmart cashier if it would be possible for you to get a discount on a TV that's relative to the size of discount your asking from the breeder. Now think if you've ever seen a coupon for a discount at that size for no reason whatsoever during the majority of the year. If the answer is no, you probably are lowballing. 

Lowballing is a very bad idea. You start doing that and word will spread. Its one of the few things a buyer can do that will get them a bad reputation. 

It's associated with "flipping" which is where someone buys a breeders animals super cheap in order to resell them near immediately for a quick profit. Its considered unethical because unless you keep an animal for a prolonged period of time you cant actually know it well enough to know what you're selling to others. It could be sick or feisty but if you're flipping, profit depends on the speed in which you can resell it. So you're lying (or guessing at best) if anyone asks you any questions about it. You don't want to be seen that way. 

Should I even ask questions?! So many sensitivities!
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Yes of course you should ask questions. I'm not saying you shouldn't ask these questions, or as many as you need, but your approach may need to be more delicate around certain topics with varying sellers if you intend to not lose out on the snake you're after. Some people are more sensitive on these matters then others. The point of this article is to make you aware of what some of the *trigger points* are. They wont apply to everyone. 

If you dont know them you may want to consider building a rapport with the seller before asking some of these though. Keep in mind trust goes both ways. The odds are very good there are a lot of reviews on the reputation and behavior of a seller, but you are likely a wild card to them until they get to know you some. They’re under no obligation to sell just like you're under no obligation to buy.

So if you find yourself being left on read or the door to the snakes you want shut at the initial stage, hopefully this article can help you move past these hurdles and move forward in the future.